depression sucks

but people suck more.

coming up on four years since my mom died.

gave up on this stupid site for the time being. got no fuckin attention anyway. costs too much. not really worth it.

on farcebook today, some illiterate bitch told me ‘you reap what you sew’, i said ‘i sew intellect and reap illiteracy, explain that’.

christians won’t stop trying to convert me. males won’t stop asking me shit, dominating me, staring at me, treating me like shit, meanwhile they all have women… i am so antimale. growing more antimale everyday. so if you’re a male… kindly fuck off. you’ve got more vagina than you deserve, you don’t need shit from me. i wish male to male conversation would just fucking cease. social people just cannot fucking shut up, can they?

i really do not belong on this pathetic planet. no one gives a fuck. apathy reigns. and i can’t change anything about it. i can’t get anyone to just spend some time with me. and i’m sick of asking for help. humans would help. these are not humans. all i see are addictions with credit cards.

i’ll continue to be invisible till people grow the fuck up. and stop thinking themselves ‘always right’ and ‘better than me’. if they’re employed and happy, and i can spell and i’m miserable… how the fuck does that work? you would think they would want to employ my linguistic expertise, but they’re just going to keep spewing out grammatically erroneous, unintelligible nonsense and thinking they’re better than me because they have a bigger paycheck. i’d rather be dirt poor than be them. but they’ll never know that. so the harassment continues.

i don’t know why i don’t just sew my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose shut.

but… for now… i’ve been on youtoob. don’t know why i’m there either. i get a few views per video, but never a satisfying comment. humanity, why do you have to be such a disappointment, and still be so high and mighty, holier than thou, and think so retardedly highly of yourselves? you think aliens would find that attractive? i don’t. but i’m an alien.

anyway… here’s my toobage.

and other irrelevant crap.

jesus fucking christ i hate that shit.

that’s really all i’ve been doing anymore. gave up on most everything else. still got my deviantarts, but don’t even feel like sharing those anymore. i just feel ashamed of my writing these days.

doing lunch at noon today, then therapy at three, then maybe chiro after that, then back to my rv to shut the world out and ache in pain.

if this life ends soon… i won’t be sad about it. the most i’m losing is myself and my potential, which i’m fine with. this world doesn’t deserve me anyway. when they stop desecrating art, i might come back. but i won’t feel heard for a long time. there’s no way this reality’s gonna get any better anytime soon.

fuckin hopelessness. perfect people get to enjoy their lives, but what lives are they enjoying? not the one i want.

still trying to perfect my list of dislikes, and trying to define myself in one solid, impenetrable sentence, so i can stop encountering all the wrong imbeciles. i don’t fuckin know why. why don’t i just give up and succumb to everything they want for me. shove a bible up my ass, tear my heart and soul out, stuff my head with foam, wear a suit and tie and act like a fake fuckin clone… oh, that’s right, because i’d rather die. leave this fuckin playpen to the children. adults aren’t welcome here. unless you want a face full of vomit.

i’m still accepting donations, but…

like that’ll ever fuckin happen. turds are obviously the only thing these talking monkeys donate.

i keep thinking of that pink floyd song, ‘keep talking’… and ‘lost for words’. and my heart just wants to eat itself. half hour till lunch. toodles.